Who Am I?
When Affliction, Dysfunction, and Denial Collide
There are people walking among us who haven’t known a day of clarity since childhood.
From an early age, their thoughts, emotions, and decisions have been influenced—sometimes hijacked—by forces they cannot fully see or understand. And when this is the only reality they’ve ever known, they struggle to distinguish between who they truly are and what’s been manipulating their mind.
They might speak confidently about their feelings and experiences, but what if those feelings are not theirs? What if those conclusions, decisions, and reactions are rooted in long-term spiritual affliction, emotional trauma, or dysfunctional conditioning?
When the Story Sounds True… But Isn’t the Whole Truth
It’s heartbreaking when families and friends validate every word of a loved one’s pain without realising the deeper spiritual or psychological layers underneath. Yes, they mean well—but affirming a surface-level story can reinforce confusion and keep the person trapped.
Sometimes, what sounds like depression or trauma is actually an affliction manifesting as emotional instability. Sometimes, what looks like manipulation is actually the effect of a possessing force that twists perception. Without discernment, people take sides. And when that happens in a marriage, the results are devastating.
How This Impacts Marriages, Children, and Entire Families
The spouse who wants to make it work gets labelled as controlling, unsupportive, or the problem. Children grow up watching instability they don’t understand, internalising distorted models of communication and conflict. Friends and relatives pick teams instead of investigating what’s really going on.
And then come the breakups. The divorces. The court cases. The division of homes. The wife who kicks out the husband because she was fed stories that may have had roots in manipulation—spiritual, emotional, or both. And the families who back her because “she’s blood” rather than seeking the truth.
When the Afflicted Refuses to Help Themselves
One of the most painful patterns is when the afflicted individual doesn’t want to help themselves. They may not follow their ruqyah program. They ignore guidance. They dismiss the people who care. The longer this goes on, the more damage is done—not just to them, but to everyone around them.
This is where the wider family and community must step up. You don’t need to be a raqi to understand the basics. Read the blogs. Listen to the podcasts. Reach out to someone qualified to help. The ignorance is costing lives, relationships, and generational wellbeing.
Why Are We Getting Married Without Healing First?
And let’s ask a hard question here: why are so many people rushing into marriage when they haven’t healed from their own dysfunctional upbringing? When they’ve absorbed warped relationship models? When they carry emotional and spiritual wounds they haven’t addressed?
Is it love? Or is it escapism?
If you’re still shaped by the wounds of your parents, the pain of rejection, the whispers of shayateen—then marriage is not going to fix that. In fact, you’ll likely bleed on the person who simply wanted to love you. And that’s not fair.
What’s Stopping Us From Helping Ourselves?
This is the question we all need to sit with.
Why do we delay healing? Why do we ignore the signs? Why do we cling to broken ways of being, even when they cost us our relationships, our health, our connection to Allah?
The answers are often uncomfortable: pride, fear, blame, ego, cultural pressure. But whatever the reason—if we don’t start helping ourselves, we will continue to watch families fall apart and blame everyone but the real cause.
If you’re struggling, start with what you can control. Heal what you can. Listen. Reflect. Take responsibility. And make space for Allah to guide the rest.
Because the cost of staying asleep is far greater than the discomfort of waking up.
