In Ruqyah, there are certain patterns that become noticeable after working with many families over a long period of time. One of those patterns is something I refer to as the “fail-safe.” While this is not a term found in classical Islamic literature, it is one I use to describe a recurring observation in some cases of sihr affecting marriages.

What Is a Fail-Safe?

The purpose of sihr at-tafreeq is to create separation between a husband and wife. It often does this by increasing arguments, misunderstandings, resentment, and emotional distance.

However, what happens when that objective isn’t achieved?

In some cases, the couple remain together and go on to have children. From my experience, this is where the pattern can sometimes change. Instead of continuing to target the marriage directly, the conflict appears to filter through a child—most commonly the first child—who becomes the centre of repeated arguments and tension within the home.

This doesn’t mean the child is to blame. Rather, the child may be affected by the same spiritual attack that originally targeted the marriage.

When Parents Don’t Recognise the Pattern

One of the greatest challenges is that most families have no idea this could be happening.

Parents may believe they simply have a difficult child. Teachers may describe the child as disruptive, while relatives might criticise the parents’ approach to discipline. Couples begin arguing about how to raise the child, and before long, the relationship itself starts to suffer.

Without recognising the possibility of spiritual interference, it becomes easy to blame one another instead of addressing the underlying issue.

Can More Than One Child Be Affected?

Yes, it is possible.

However, in my experience, it is usually the first child who appears to carry the greatest burden when this pattern is present. That does not mean every eldest child is spiritually afflicted, nor does it mean every challenging child is affected by sihr.

Children can struggle for many reasons, including emotional, behavioural, developmental, and medical factors. Ruqyah should never replace appropriate professional assessment where it is needed.

The key is to look at the overall picture rather than focusing on one behaviour in isolation.

Why Unity Between Parents Matters

The most important step is ensuring that both husband and wife are on the same page.

When parents begin blaming one another, the household becomes divided. If, instead, they recognise that there may be a spiritual element contributing to the situation, they are more likely to support one another rather than compete over who is right.

Unity weakens division, and division is often the very objective of sihr at-tafreeq.

What Can Families Do?

If you recognise this pattern within your own family, there are practical steps you can take:

• Be consistent with Ruqyah.
• Maintain your daily adhkār and connection with Allah.
• Avoid turning every disagreement into an argument between husband and wife.
• Help children understand spiritual protection in an age-appropriate way.
• Seek advice from someone experienced in Ruqyah while also considering emotional, psychological, or medical support where appropriate.

The aim is not to label every behavioural problem as spiritual. Rather, it is to recognise when multiple signs point towards an underlying spiritual influence alongside other contributing factors.

Final Thoughts

Families today have access to far more information than ever before. Podcasts, articles, and educational resources have made discussions around Ruqyah much more accessible.

Understanding these patterns does not mean jumping to conclusions. It means becoming more aware, remaining balanced, and working together as a family.

When a husband and wife stop fighting each other and begin addressing the problem together, they place themselves in a much stronger position to protect both their marriage and their children.